The Stronger than BPD Journal by Debbie Corso

Author:Debbie Corso
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2018-03-23T18:57:37+00:00

Self-­Care Using Your Senses

Caring for Your Wise Woman

Goals:

Develop a practice of self-­care and self-­love

Practice being gentle to and compassionate with yourself by using self-­soothing skills

Move from self-­punishment to self-­care to prevent shame and self-­loathing

Kathryn

One of my favorite skills to practice and to teach is self-­soothing, which is when you calm your nervous system by activating one of your five senses (touch, taste, sound, sight, smell). Comforting yourself is something that many people must learn as adults due to growing up in homes and environments that didn’t demonstrate how to be gentle and understanding.

Habitual patterns of self-­punishment and self-­judgment add distress to your life. You can counter these negative habits by learning how to self-­soothe. It’s an important tool to have in your pocket for whenever you notice that your stress levels are increasing or when you’re feeling judgmental of your emotions, decisions, or needs. Self-­soothing might feel unfamiliar at first, but, with practice, you can learn to treat yourself with gentleness and care instead of criticism.

Learning how to shift to self-­care from self-­punishment begins with taking the compassionate stance that you deserve care and soothing when in distress. Self-­soothing will help you build self-­trust, which is a belief that you can handle life and its challenges because you know how to take care of yourself. This underlying feeling that you are you own best caretaker is powerful in supporting your emotional health and resiliency, and it takes practice to develop this kind of relationship with yourself.

Debbie

Do you remember soothing yourself as a child? When I was six, I had difficulty managing my emotions whenever Nana (my grandmother) would end a visit. I’d cry and become inconsolable…until Nana gave me a doll that she said I could pretend was her. I could hug “Nana Baby” whenever Nana was away. You know what? It worked! I would hold and kiss that doll and tell her all the things I would’ve told my Nana had she been there in those moments. I felt so comforted and able to handle those once-­dreaded separations. I was self-­soothing with a doll!

Although I had this positive experience of self-­soothing in childhood, as an adult I found it counterintuitive when my therapist suggested that I do nurturing and comforting things for myself in times of distress. I figured it wouldn’t solve my problems, so what was the point? It seemed a waste of time and shameful for me to, for example, choose to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie when I was stressing about a friend having a serious operation in the morning. How dare I enjoy myself during this serious, upsetting, horrible time? I would think. How selfish that would be of me!

The truth is, self-­soothing won’t solve our problems—­it’s not meant to. It didn’t bring my grandmother back to our house any sooner, and it wouldn’t cause my friend to not need an operation. But the act of self-­care through self-­soothing isn’t selfish. That’s a big misconception. Self-­soothing can help you reduce suffering in difficult moments.

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